Grief

When you have child that is sick with something like Cancer, you go through all of the stages of grief; Denial, Anger, Barganning, Depression and finally Acceptance.  I read somewhere once that to be angry is easy however to be angry at the right person, for the right reason at the right time, now that is hard.  So please forgive me if I am taking the easy way for I am angry.  I am angry that your kids are healthy and mine is not, I am angry that you get to take your kids anywhere you see fit and I cannot, I am angry that you get to plan your summer vacation and cannot plan whether I can get groceries.  I am angry at the world and I know that is not right and that people truly care and for that I will be eternally grateful.  Grateful and thankful that I have created this circle of such incredible special people in my life, grateful indeed, but it doesn't change the fact that I am angry.  I know that I am not angry at the right person, at the right time for the right reasons and lets face it cancer or no cancer I rarely get that one right, so please forgive me if I am not returning your calls or answering your invite for coffee.  I will come around so please do not give up either, this is the only thing I ask of anyone right now.

much love...

So just when we think we have it figured out life hands us again another curveball.  In order to do the "ugly chemo" Gracie needs a new port (which is a plastic tube that has been insterted into her chest and runs right into her heart, hers has been ok so far, but because of the stem cell transplant we have to move up to a broviac.  So Monday is out however we will be admitted Monday night and they will do all of the surgeries on Tues am, being they will insert the new port, do the biopsy and check her heart and her hearing as some of the drugs they administer affect baby girls for some reason.  As of Thursday we will start chemo and this time will have to be on ward for this and will be in for at least three or four days each round, which will stay on the same protocol as last time which is a 21 day cycle.   And some parents worry about vaccinations!  Will keep you posted....love to all.

Here we go again

Well if some or all don't already know, Gracie was diagnosed with Subcuteaneous Pinniculitils like T-Cell Lymphoma on May 18, 2010.  This was the most devestaing day of our lives.  When you get news like this that your child is sick it brings feelings of helplessness and fear and these word feel like an understatement as I don't think words exist to be able to describe the feelings that you have.  Since that day Gracie has undergone countless biopsy's, PET Scans, CT Scans and ECOgrams.  She was given six rounds of CHOP therapy, which is a pretty common chemotherapy protocol.  She weathered all of this like a trooper with very little side effects, the major one being her loss of hair.  To make a long story short we finished these on December 28, 2010 with really good results.  We thought our road was finished; not to be, on February 2, 2011 she had one more PET scan only to have this reveal something in her cheek (Gracie's original Lymphoma concentrated on her pelvic and upper thigh region).  We did a biopsy on February 18, 2011 and this came back positive for the same Lymphoma.

I have created this blog of a way to keep those people who want to know informed about her progress.  I know that we have the best friends and family out there who care immensly, it is just easier for us not to have to tell the same story over and over.  I will look forward to any comments or questions on here so please feel free.  We would also like to thank you all for your strength and courage as sometimes I feel like I have none, I only wish I could be as strong as Gracie for she truly is my hero.

Where do we go from here?  We are not exactly sure but do know that we are in for a bone marrow biopsy on Monday (we did this for the first round and all came back good, so we are hoping for the same outcome) then starting rounds of chemo on Thursday.  We will be progressing to transplant therapy where we will have to harvest stem cells and the like, so I am anticipating this chemo not to be as easy as the first, but I promise to keep this blog updated.

Love to you all.

Christa & Gary