Nothing New

So we have managed to have over a week at home!!  Gracie is full of energy and eating like a linebacker.  She was fortunate enough to have a visit from her Oma and Opa over the Victoria Day long weekend and loved it.  After a day or so I realized that she definately gets her "goofy" from her Opa, oh to stay that young at heart when you are in your 70's is a lesson to us all.  There is just nothing grumpy about that man.

We are still on track for our June 3rd PET scan and are anxiously awaiting.  When you are on a cancer journey outwardly your life looks realtively normal, minus the hospital trips, clinic visits and bald heads.  But the truth is that we live in another world just underneath the surface, a world filled with anxiety, fear and loneliness.  A world that everybody knows about but does not want to really look at as it is too scary.  If I can be so bold enough to use an anology from another friends recent birth announcement having your child diagnosed with cancer is like being on a flight to Italy and landing in Darfur.  You are immediately dropped into a battlezone and you literally start running for your lives.  Everything you thought you knew about life is suddenly changed.  On the positive you start looking at what is truly important and it has nothing to do with driving a new Volvo.

I am going to steal another quote from this friends announcement; if you think we are strong and special people, you are wrong we are normal people just like everyone else, its just that the ugly cry is not for everyone.  So thank you to those people who do not make Gracie's cancer the big elephant in the room when I run into you.  It is not a taboo subject and I promise I will not fall apart if you bring it up, it is part of us now and will continue to be for some time to come as even if we get to where we want to be which is cancer free, we will always wonder "will it come back".  We will refuse to live our lives in the clutches of that nasty devil, but we will always wonder and worry, which is one of the things that cancer does to you, it changes your thinking forever.

It is with a heavy heart that I also mention our friends the Amsing's who did not get the test results they were looking for.  May God guide you through this difficult path and may you be surrounded by the right people who will help you find some peace and understanding. 

And to the new Mother whose quotes and anologies I have stolen, I always thought Holland would be a wonderful place to not only visit but live.

Namaste people!  We love you and appreciate you everyday.

The Sterks

Home sweet home

We got sprung last night around 7, which was a welcome relief as we expected to be there until this morning.  I figured out that in the last month we have been home, all together, for 5 days total.  And for those that are shocked by this, for some families that is a lot of time at home.  So I feel blessed that we have such a great facility so close to us that we get to have some time at home together, however short.  This is what I am grateful for today.  And some of the nurses have nicknamed Gracie, "Tinkerbell", because honestly she kinda looks like a Tinkerbell.  We are truly grateful for ACH and everybody in it.

Gracie is doing well, she is almost back to her usual self, however I am beginning to understand what some of the other parents were trying to tell me as the better part of our day is spent in front of the fridge, or a different cupboard or two saying "do you want this, do you want that" as she points and usually changes her mind before you even pull anything out.  But for the most part she is eating and drinking, so this is good.  She spent the majority of her day making mud pies with her new "mud pie makin kitchen" (thank god its nice out), anyone hungry?

We are glad to be home and are now in a holding pattern until we run some more tests which with any luck will be completed by June 3, we will then know where we are headed.  So hopefully (touch wood) there are no line problems, fevers, colds, diaper rashes, or any other nasty virus that comes our way and we can have some peace for a few weeks.

Take care,

Love and happiness to all

The Sterks

Here we go again

So our time at home was short lived.  We are back in tomorrow morning for our 12th round of chemo and hopefully with any luck we will be home Sunday night.  I sometimes wonder when will it end, but then I check myself and remember that thinking too far ahead has some dire consequences.  I just hope that after this round she does not get as sick as she did last time, this is my future hope for today.  That way we will not have to spend the whole three weeks in hospital.  My second hope is that these last two rounds of chemo has done what it is supposed to and her PET scan shows as much recovery as we need to get to radiation (aka transplant therapy).  If we get there then maybe we can look further ahead.

I think back to the last few years of my life when my only problems were will my business succeed?  How much more weight do I need to lose in order to get to pre prego weight?  My hope for all of you is that your problems stay small and your dreams stay big and that you wake up every morning and no matter what you are facing, that you choose to be happy.

We can't thank you all enough for being on this journey with us.  I know some of you feel like you aren't doing enough, but you are by talking to me when I need to vent, for being there for us when we ask even if the timing is not convenient, and for continuing to read this blog, you are in it with us and we can't express our gratitude enough.  We would be lost without you.

Love The Sterks.

Here we go again

So our time at home was short lived.  We are back in tomorrow morning for our 12th round of chemo and hopefully with any lick we will be hom Sunday night.  I sometimes woder when will it end, but then I check myself and remember that thinking too far ahead has some dire consequences.  I just hope that after this round she does not get as sick as she did last time, this is my future hope for today.  That way we will not have to spend the whole three weeks in hospital.  My second hope is that these last two rounds of chemo has done what it is supposed to and her PET scan shows as mych recovery as we need to get to radiation (aka transplant therapy).  If we get there then maybe we can look further ahead.

I think back to the last few years of my life when my only problems were will my business succeed?  How much more weight do I need to lose in order to get to pre prego weight?  I don't mean to diminish everyone's problems, as I know first hand that everyone has their

Happy Mom's Day to Me!!

Well Gracie's swelling went down, along with her fever, diaper rash is almost gone and no more diarrhea.  Whew, that's a lot.  Anyway so we got SPRUNG today at around 1.  So we are home all together eating ice cream, just the way it should be.

Happy Mom's day to all.  And as always, we so appreciate every one's thoughtfulness, couldn't get through any of this without you.

Love The Sterks

So much for going home

So Gracie was back to her regular self yesterday so we thought we would get sprung today, but alas her and I woke up this morning only to have Gracie's right side of her face swollen up like she has the mumps. She cannot even turn her head, poor little girl.  So needless to say we are staying, she has some sort of infection in her lymph node on that side, or so the ultrasound showed.  So maybe tomorrow????  Fingers crossed.

Love The Sterks

Tuesday

Well Miss Gracie has a virus, its official.  On the good news front it is a common form of children's influenza.  On the bad news side this is on top of a nasty diaper rash and diarrhea, which are a result of last week's chemo.  This goes along with mouth sores and a fever hovering around 39.  So she is a pretty sick little girl who is now on some morphine to control her pain and hydration, as she won't eat because of the mouth sores, some antibiotics to control any possible outbreak of pneumonia, and those are just the new drugs which are on top of the regular four drugs she takes daily.  Don't even get me started on the chemo drugs. 

She is getting her blood transfusion as I write this and due for platelets tomorrow, which means she dropped sooner than we thought, this time around.  This sucks, any of the other cancer families that are following this blog will agree with me, I am sure, there is no other way to describe this other than "it sucks".  Most of the time I have to stifle my screams as I think if I started I wouldn't stop.  I think back to early last year when all I was worried about was which vaccinations I should give her.  Going through this is something, us "Cancer Families", as we are referred to up here, never asked for and we don't want to be doing this, but we will do whatever it takes to make our children well and keep them happy.  So when you think we are your hero's and that we are the strongest people you have met, remember we are not, we are just another human who wants to scream and fall apart, it just happens not to be an option for us as we have bigger issues to deal with than ourselves.   So thank you to all of those who have called me their hero, but I do not deserve this title, the true hero, in my story, is a two foot tall blond Angel who can't wait to be a regular kid.

Fevers

Well we woke up Sunday to Gracie having a fever, she was still in good spirits and such, but by Sunday night she was at 38.5 so up to Hospital we go.  We were released a few hours later as her fever had come down and her counts were good so they let us out.  Sunday night was horrible she developed this persistent cough, so by Monday morning her temp was back up to 39.5 so away we went.  She has now been admitted as we don't really know what is causing this.  She is clearly not feeling well and has been lethargic and sleepy most of the day, this is definitely not like Gracie girl.  So we will continue to monitor her while we try and rule out pneumonia and other viruses.  I am not sure when we will get to go home at this point, but when she is clearly that sick, it makes us feel better to be in there.  But with any luck it will be a mild cold and she will power through.

Love The Sterks.