So we have managed to have over a week at home!! Gracie is full of energy and eating like a linebacker. She was fortunate enough to have a visit from her Oma and Opa over the Victoria Day long weekend and loved it. After a day or so I realized that she definately gets her "goofy" from her Opa, oh to stay that young at heart when you are in your 70's is a lesson to us all. There is just nothing grumpy about that man.
We are still on track for our June 3rd PET scan and are anxiously awaiting. When you are on a cancer journey outwardly your life looks realtively normal, minus the hospital trips, clinic visits and bald heads. But the truth is that we live in another world just underneath the surface, a world filled with anxiety, fear and loneliness. A world that everybody knows about but does not want to really look at as it is too scary. If I can be so bold enough to use an anology from another friends recent birth announcement having your child diagnosed with cancer is like being on a flight to Italy and landing in Darfur. You are immediately dropped into a battlezone and you literally start running for your lives. Everything you thought you knew about life is suddenly changed. On the positive you start looking at what is truly important and it has nothing to do with driving a new Volvo.
I am going to steal another quote from this friends announcement; if you think we are strong and special people, you are wrong we are normal people just like everyone else, its just that the ugly cry is not for everyone. So thank you to those people who do not make Gracie's cancer the big elephant in the room when I run into you. It is not a taboo subject and I promise I will not fall apart if you bring it up, it is part of us now and will continue to be for some time to come as even if we get to where we want to be which is cancer free, we will always wonder "will it come back". We will refuse to live our lives in the clutches of that nasty devil, but we will always wonder and worry, which is one of the things that cancer does to you, it changes your thinking forever.
It is with a heavy heart that I also mention our friends the Amsing's who did not get the test results they were looking for. May God guide you through this difficult path and may you be surrounded by the right people who will help you find some peace and understanding.
And to the new Mother whose quotes and anologies I have stolen, I always thought Holland would be a wonderful place to not only visit but live.
Namaste people! We love you and appreciate you everyday.
The Sterks
Hey all - we think of you each and every day. It is so nice to have people visit to brighten your day and make life somewhat normal and share the load.
ReplyDeleteWe cannot know what it is like to have your child suffering this terrible terrible disease but are keenly aware of what you all are going through. It is true - cancer changes your way of thinking, dominates your life and hovers over your head for eternity. You are just ordinary people, however you are facing the most extraordinary event we all dread and we are all pulling for you. You somehow muster up the strength to get through this because there is no other choice and because you need to be strong for Gracie and one another. Tear the roof off and step out of that hidden world into the light.....do not let it keep you away from the life you all were meant to live. Once we all get out of this holding pattern - well, life was meant to live not holding your breath.
As Gracie gets through this it is perhaps fortunate that she will not remember most of it as she is so young - hopefully.
Linda and William