As I prepare to gather with Grant Skalk's friends and family to celebrate this young man's life, I looked outside to see the most spectacular sunrise. It makes me believe that we are never truly gone we live on in the simple things like sunrises and the giggle of children. I know one thing, I will never forget this young man; this is not because we shared a similar journey and that his passing is so tragic, I will never forget him because of the path he chose to take in his journey. He faced his illness with humour, dignity and grace. He is the kind of person I would want my son to be if I had one. This is a young man who in Grade 3 was scared and nervous on his first day but found the gentleness to offer the Classroom Mom his seat. If Gracie has even one of his great qualities I will feel blessed. Most people would say that this would be a testimony to his parents, and I know that his parents are incredible people but parenting is just a small part of who we choose to become and he chose amazing. I am a better person because I knew him. Thank you for giving a part of yourself to us.
Gracie's Oma and Opa are coming for a visit this weekend and she has been talking non-stop about it, so this is something that makes me happy. She will finally get to see her cousins on Monday night for our niece's birthday, this too will make her incredibly happy, so therefore I am happy too.
Gracie's PET scan is fast approaching and this is always a sense of anxiety for us parents. It makes us a little crazy to be honest, but I just continue to breathe and put it out of my head. Thank God for yoga. One mother put it best we take a hold of the gun load the one bullet and spin the barrel and wait to see if our lives will be put back onto the roller coaster yet again. I always try to remember that life is full of twists and turns and where we land we will never know, for a planner like me this is a hard way to live, but I am learning from some good friends to take life day by day....
Enjoy this beautiful day as best you can....
Love the Sterks.
Friday, 23 September 2011
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Update
So Miss Gracie is doing great, she is sleeping less, but still more than most 2 1/2 year olds, but has lots of energy. Her appetite has slowed somewhat and this is a good thing as we thought she would blow up at one point! Gotta love steroids. We patiently await September 30, which is Gracie's next PET Scan.
But as I sit here at 4:30 in the morning unable to sleep, I write with a heavy heavy heart and tears in my eyes as our friend Grant and the son of my friend Mel passed away on Friday from a complicated battle with Leukemia. He was a shinny penny in all of this for us, this 14 year old boy was beautiful on the inside and out. Grant and his Mom kept me laughing through most of our recent 3 month stay on ward and Mel became a dear friend. Grant was so good to Gracie, and truly what 14 year old boy do you know that would take any interest in a two year old? He was a hit with everyone up there for his warmth, humour and true strength. This was not supposed to happen to him, it's not supposed to happen to anyone, but him? I did not see this coming at all. How can God find justification for calling home such an amazing person? I feel that he was not done, he had a lot of things to do, he needed to go on to become a camp counsellor, he would have been so great at that as he had so much compassion, but he had a tough side too. He needed to go on to play basketball and go to his graduation and find his life purpose making a difference somewhere, I know this is what he would have done, he was supposed to be allowed to become the man he was meant to be. This all just gets to be to much sometimes, the only positive I can come up with here is that Grant and his family can finally get off this crazy ride we call cancer and be at Peace.
My heart breaks for his family, Mel, Jim and his sister Ali. And just like when some of you don't know what to say to me sometimes, I am at a complete loss as to what to say to this family. I have been up most of the night trying to find something, but I come up blank. I know they will have the strength to get through this time, although they will never be the same, they will be able to find a new normal, or at least this is my hope.
A quote from an unpublished blog post I wrote two days ago "Like I have said before when you go up to the Oncology department in the beginning you go up there with one child, but you come out with so many more in your heart. Their battles become your personal goals, you wish nothing more than them all to be strong and healthy. You get kicked in the stomach everytime they have setbacks. These families become your lifelines."
Rest in Peace Grant, I do know one thing for sure heaven is a much better place now.
But as I sit here at 4:30 in the morning unable to sleep, I write with a heavy heavy heart and tears in my eyes as our friend Grant and the son of my friend Mel passed away on Friday from a complicated battle with Leukemia. He was a shinny penny in all of this for us, this 14 year old boy was beautiful on the inside and out. Grant and his Mom kept me laughing through most of our recent 3 month stay on ward and Mel became a dear friend. Grant was so good to Gracie, and truly what 14 year old boy do you know that would take any interest in a two year old? He was a hit with everyone up there for his warmth, humour and true strength. This was not supposed to happen to him, it's not supposed to happen to anyone, but him? I did not see this coming at all. How can God find justification for calling home such an amazing person? I feel that he was not done, he had a lot of things to do, he needed to go on to become a camp counsellor, he would have been so great at that as he had so much compassion, but he had a tough side too. He needed to go on to play basketball and go to his graduation and find his life purpose making a difference somewhere, I know this is what he would have done, he was supposed to be allowed to become the man he was meant to be. This all just gets to be to much sometimes, the only positive I can come up with here is that Grant and his family can finally get off this crazy ride we call cancer and be at Peace.
My heart breaks for his family, Mel, Jim and his sister Ali. And just like when some of you don't know what to say to me sometimes, I am at a complete loss as to what to say to this family. I have been up most of the night trying to find something, but I come up blank. I know they will have the strength to get through this time, although they will never be the same, they will be able to find a new normal, or at least this is my hope.
A quote from an unpublished blog post I wrote two days ago "Like I have said before when you go up to the Oncology department in the beginning you go up there with one child, but you come out with so many more in your heart. Their battles become your personal goals, you wish nothing more than them all to be strong and healthy. You get kicked in the stomach everytime they have setbacks. These families become your lifelines."Rest in Peace Grant, I do know one thing for sure heaven is a much better place now.
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Vacation over...
Well I can start by saying that our vacation was fantastic. We did beach days, we did a boating day, we hiked and then biked the Trans Canada Trail. We had fairly lazy mornings and busy afternoons complete with plenty of sunshine and fantastic weather. Our cabin was amazing, more like a house, there was plenty of space and it was perfect, almost a little too big, it ever came with its own private playground which Gracie loved. Our travel partners Vikki, Kraig and Kraig Jr. were amazing to vacation with and we would do it again in a heart beat. It was nice to be flatmates with people who were so on the same page as us as to what they wanted from their vacation. I think there was only one night that the adults made it up past 11. In fact one night we were by our campfire and someone made a comment about the traffic on our little road being heavy that late until we checked the time and realized it was only 8!
That being said our vacation was not without it's stress and anxiety. Our first night Gracie ended up vomiting and we thought we were heading home or to Grand Forks the following day. She never did get a temperature so we decided to ride out the night and see how she was in the morning. Well she was back to her normal self, so were were able to enjoy the next 5 days only to have her temperature rise on Thursday and she slept most of the day. She never hit 38.3 which is our panic button and was great when she was up so this was the conundrum do we call ACH, do we take her to Grand Forks? The anxiety of it all was a little too much for me, so although she was not feverish we decided to cut out the second leg of our vacation where we were heading to Canal Flats to spend the long weekend with friends, hence the home on Friday. She seems ok while I write this, she is napping and ACH told me to just monitor her, however as her temps are all over the place, 38 then down to 36.9 in a matter of 10 minutes, we have decided as a precaution to take her to ward 1 and have the oncologist on call check her out, hopefully this means nothing. I said to Gary on the way home, I wonder if there will ever be a time where we are not afraid? As the other parents of Ward 1 can attest the anxiety you live with on a daily basis is almost unbearable, even when you look like its all ok, it is always there lurking under the surface. This is not negative it is just our reality, I wonder if it will ever be over and we can take Gracie somewhere and not look for all the potential risks to her health. And not worry if she is tired, she just had a big day so she is tired...but for us it is always a "maybe not", it is like waiting for a bomb to drop.
All in all it was better than it could have been, so we are so thankful to Vikki and Kraig for spending the time with us, we love you guys tons. And am so disappointed to miss out on Winnie and Kurt, we will make it there one day, at least now I still have something to still look forward to.
Hope everyone enjoys their long weekend...
Love The Sterks
That being said our vacation was not without it's stress and anxiety. Our first night Gracie ended up vomiting and we thought we were heading home or to Grand Forks the following day. She never did get a temperature so we decided to ride out the night and see how she was in the morning. Well she was back to her normal self, so were were able to enjoy the next 5 days only to have her temperature rise on Thursday and she slept most of the day. She never hit 38.3 which is our panic button and was great when she was up so this was the conundrum do we call ACH, do we take her to Grand Forks? The anxiety of it all was a little too much for me, so although she was not feverish we decided to cut out the second leg of our vacation where we were heading to Canal Flats to spend the long weekend with friends, hence the home on Friday. She seems ok while I write this, she is napping and ACH told me to just monitor her, however as her temps are all over the place, 38 then down to 36.9 in a matter of 10 minutes, we have decided as a precaution to take her to ward 1 and have the oncologist on call check her out, hopefully this means nothing. I said to Gary on the way home, I wonder if there will ever be a time where we are not afraid? As the other parents of Ward 1 can attest the anxiety you live with on a daily basis is almost unbearable, even when you look like its all ok, it is always there lurking under the surface. This is not negative it is just our reality, I wonder if it will ever be over and we can take Gracie somewhere and not look for all the potential risks to her health. And not worry if she is tired, she just had a big day so she is tired...but for us it is always a "maybe not", it is like waiting for a bomb to drop.
All in all it was better than it could have been, so we are so thankful to Vikki and Kraig for spending the time with us, we love you guys tons. And am so disappointed to miss out on Winnie and Kurt, we will make it there one day, at least now I still have something to still look forward to.
Hope everyone enjoys their long weekend...
Love The Sterks
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