Life

It has been so long since I posted anything, that the whole format changed...Wow.   I kind of fell apart on my posts after the loss of a few of the most exceptional people I have ever met, and our lives went so well.  It felt selfish to even comment on our lives.  How come everything is going good for us? Why? Trust me I know I am not that great of a person to deserve some peace, accompanied by life.  

This is not about my grief or my feelings but I found it it hard, hard to be happy, because two people whose lives were cut short kept dancing in my head.  I found it hard to articulate what I felt, because those children were not mine, how is it possible that I felt so bad, but my child was doing so well?  Life becomes wierd, I would like to use the word "hard", but it is so overused by the norm, that I find weird a better word.  Hard, all life is hard, hard is easy if you know what I mean. 

Gracie is doing great, she is a bundle of energy, and I would be lying if I didn't say I am waiting for our world to crash but so far it is not, and that is great.  She is hilarios, she oftens says "Mamma, my tummy hurts I am going to sick I need a bowl", well I scream around like a crazy woman, hoping to avoid the olive green tupperware bowl of my past and get her something only to hear her say "nope , not today", what does a Parent do with that?

So I decided to write again after a great chat with a good friend who has just lost her Cousin to a car accident, Saturday night.  This conversation left me reeling, I felt I was no help to my friend, as usual, I didn't know what to say, so I babbled about my own issues.  This is what I felt, this young woman's loss is so tragic, but it is doubly so because just over 20 years ago my friend watched her cousin succumb to lukemia (so a Mother loses her child only to lose her Grandchild to a unfateful care accident, really how much could one family endure?).  This is where I question my Spirituality. I have spent time with my friends Mother (who happens to be a volunteer with Child Life) and although I never got the chance to say "thank-you", I wish I could now.  I wish I could give her some comfort in her time of loss.  Mrs. "V" I will be forever grateful, my heart pours out to your whole family.

I think it is the loss of this young womens's life that spurred me to write on this blog again, this and a few people who have encouraged me.  The loss for this family makes me enraged, for lack of a better word.   This and all the other family's I have seen who have to deal with the unfair loss of a child, be it a 2 year old or a 22 year old.  It is not right.  I know some people who will think that they can empathize because they have lost a Grandmother, or Grandfather, or albeit a Mother (RIP Mom), or Father, or a Dog (RIP Abby), losing a child is unnatural and you should never comare it to anything, because you have never lived it, and God forbid you ever, just remember people will remeber not what you did, but how you made them feel.  A hug can go a long way if they are ready.  If that person (like me) isn't touchy feely, then being in the background is awesome.  They will probably surprise you in a few years and say I "remember you being there", that goes further than you will ever know. The best peice of advice I ever got from my own Mother, when my best friends Mother, Nancy, died was "if you don't know what to say, don't say anything, and if you don't know what to do, do nothing, just be there..."